失恋
by StoryBrook
Summary: Luffy begins to doubt himself, wondering why he really wants to be there and why he follows his dream so blindly, considering the past that he had. Sanji was the only person who had caught his attention so easily and yet he was so oblivious to his Captain.
1. 失恋   Unrequited Love

**Unrequited Love**

_~So I look in your direction,_

_ But you pay me no attention,_

_ And you know how much I need you,_

_ But you never even see me~_

* * *

What was this pain? Why did it hurt so much? Why did my heart feel like it was being torn to shreds? Why did I feel so _**broken**_?

I had pondered these four questions for days now. The crew was worried. They would tip toe around me, treating me like I was some kind of fragile piece of glass. I could tell that my attitude scares them. I place my right hand lightly over my heart as I gaze out into the depths of the ocean. Sighing, I try to piece together a mask that wouldn't break; a mask that I could show to my nakama and have them believe that nothing was wrong, a mask that would hide the truth from _him_. Yet no matter how hard I try, I know it is truly impossible for me to make such a mask so great is this agony.

"_NAMI-SWAN!~ ROBIN-SWAN! ~ __Yūshoku no junbi ga dekite iru__!"_

After watching him day after day and seeing him fawn like that over Nami and Robin, I finally see the truth. Accepting the truth that he could never love me is a hard thing to do, even if I try to ignore it. Too bad I have only just realized how great this stupid mistake is.

Why did I have to get so excited over something so trivial? Why did I have to get so hyper that I forgot that it was a bad idea to set down the shiny piece of metal out under the sun and near the map Nami had just finished? Why did I have to be so… so… so STUPID!

"_Oi! Luffy, __NIKU__!"_

I ignore him. Taking a deep breath, I slide off the figurehead and hold tightly to the railing to stabilize myself. Walking carefully I make my way to the library, keeping my breathing slow and deep so as to keep my vision from wavering.

"_Luffy! Oi! Luffy!_ _Kimasu ka__?"_

I haven't eaten in who knows how long. I guess I probably look really skinny and not my best but I can't bring myself to even look at food anymore. Any kind of cooking makes me sick to the stomach with despair. Even knowing my need for sustenance could not bring me to touch any kind of food.

Stumbling as my vision fades for a few moments, I precariously regain my balance. When I reach the library door, I place my right hand on the handle, taking a moment to rest for a bit. Turning the handle, I push open the door and softly tread inside before slowly pushing it back into place. When I have turned around, I observe all the books and strange tools enclosed in the room. Being as careful as possible, I stagger over to the place where Robin stores her books. I run my fingers over the spines of the books until I find the one I am searching for. Pulling it off the shelf, I walk over to the nearest empty wall to rest. Heaving a broken sigh, I slide down the wall to rest heavily on the floor.

Stupid me; to even think it would be possible… Could I have been any more of an idiot? I was always getting them into stupid and avoidable situations. Opening the book I remove a slip of paper. Reading the words written for me by the dark-haired archaeologist that seem inscribed on my heart hurts more than before, but I know they are true.

My breaths are shaky and I can no longer focus on what I meant to do. My hands release their gentle hold on the paper and it floats to the floor. I lay my head down on my knees as I begin to lose myself to the pain of frightful memories and sheer exhaustion.

A tear rolls down my face to rest upon the paper as my past becomes, once again, the only thing I see.

* * *

_Yūshoku no junbi ga dekite iru! – Dinner is ready!_

_NIKU! – MEAT!_

_Kimasu ka? – Are you coming?_

**A/N - I hope these translations are correct but if they aren't than I am truly sorry. I do not own One Piece or the characters. Note I revised and edited this, to those who reviewed thank you, I think I can understand now why I like this story. I think I am taking the story in a different direction than I originally intended but at least I am continuing it. Thank you for putting up with the wait and know that this is the only story I plan to work on. If you wish to help me with writing/correcting it please contact me through either the FF mail or Tumblr, which is **satchitan**.**tumblr**.**com**. Thanks!**


	2. 思い出 Memories

WARNING! This chapter does contain mentions of child abuse, gore, (attempted murder?), and (not so graphic)rape

**Black Memories**

_"So We make the monsters_  
_Who are the results of our morbid imaginations_  
_The fear, The fear increases and gets stronger_  
_The fear, The fear it's fragile existence_  
_I've lost my Faith_  
_Going on my way_  
_How stupid it all is a deception..."_

* * *

"Ace?" calls the trembling and frightened child. It was silent all throughout the house, his grandfather already asleep in his room. The soft moonlight cast strange shadows every which way. A groan was heard and the young boy stumbled over to the noise reaching a hand out towards the slumped shape.

His bare foot slipped in something slick, the dark haired child now sprawled on the floor in front of the figure. Propping himself up as he reached to touch his face with his hand, a stray breeze from the broken door brought the scent of blood.

"A…Ace?" the child whimpered. A hand reached out and pulled the boy closer to its warmth. Ace held the child close to his chest, making sure the boy's sobs were muffled against it.

"Shhh… It's okay….I'm okay," Ace whispered while gently rocking back and forth. The child's tears slowed as fatigue set in. Ace couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face despite his injuries.

"Baka," he whispered softly as the child that clung to him began to snore softly.

* * *

"You were all ways like this! No wonder Ace left! Who would choose to stay with you when-" the teen yelled only to be cut off when a hand came and hit him once again. Bruises riddled the teen's body along with a few sprains and two broken ribs. His grandfather was taking out his anger towards Ace after he left. The young teen was at his breaking point and his grandfather could care less. He opened his mouth to yell out again but his head was pushed down into the bucket of saltwater.

He struggled as much as he could but he was already so tired. It was just a matter of time till the teen just stopped. Finally his head was roughly yanked up and then thrown against the wall. He slumped against it, gasping for air and coughing to get the last of the water from his lungs.

Heavy footsteps faded as the owner of them left the house and the island. His fist clenched and the boy raised his head to gaze at the straw hat on the table.

"I… I can't give up," he paused as he was overcome with a fit of coughing. "I have to keep smiling. For him. For Makino. For… everyone."

* * *

On his way home from shopping, the lone teenager turned down the alley that was his shortcut home. Four men watched in the dark, waiting for him to draw near. They grabbed him and pulled him into an abandoned house. The dark figures yanked off his pants, followed by the teen's shirt and boxers as he struggles to get out of their grip. His eyes widened upon realizing their plan. He whimpered as the prick of a needle causes a small, sharp pain on the back of his neck.

They grin in excitement as the teen goes limp after the paralyzing drug takes effect. They will take this monster. They will teach it who holds the power in this town. The slightly tanned skin shines in the moonlight as fear over takes his mind. His thoughts shut down as they begin their little… _game_.

As he observed what they did in an offhanded way he realizes that it hurts. Not just them penetrating him but the sneers, and jeers of how easily he is taking this. He feels dirty, like a cheap whore that is taken easily. It only increases the feeling as they begin to whoop an laugh as each one pounds into him. They pass him back and forth between themselves, his body limp and broken. When they have sated their lust filled minds they drop him on the ground, a broken toy that cries not from the pain but from the emptiness.

_He is a monster. Unloved and unwanted, forever._

It was that day that he swore that he would never let anything or anyone get close to his heart again. He trusted too easily but no longer. He may smile but he hated that mask. He would forever be wary. He had been beaten and pushed down too many times.

Oh yes. He would remember this. He would _never_ forget.

* * *

He wasn't sure why he left when he did. At the time he was sure he had enough food and all that but it was all out. But it got better. He had found a whirlpool to top it all off.

That then landed him here, on this shitty island with a pink haired kid. The kid still had hope, even though he was being ground down by these so called pirates. He would smile at the coward and he would fight for the little hope the kid still had. He would continue to wear this mask for Coby, the little pink-haired coward that had a dream to become a marine.

* * *

The crow's nest, he blamed it on that, that and the sake. That night he had a night mare and it had been Sanji's watch. He had thought about waking Zoro to sleep with or maybe Usopp or even Chopper but his dream wasn't about them. It had been about Sanji. For some reason just the thought of what the dream was about shook him to the core of his very being. Usually he was okay but he would still needed reassurance that the person in the dream was still here so he would spend the night with them. He had never had a dream like that about Sanji but now he had and it scared him.

Sanji wouldn't leave him.

…_Would he?_

He didn't hate him.

…_Did he?_

He hadn't gone to Sanji that night. He had just moved to a corner and curled up there. He didn't fall back asleep that night. His mask, that had been steadily becoming real, broke and crumbled. By morning it would be back but for now, he wouldn't hide. Not tonight, not when it was totally possible. That with the way the fights were becoming harder and harder to win, that it was totally possible that Sanji might _die_.

* * *

Gah sorry it took me so long to update! pleas tell me what you think. R&R

Disclaimer: I don't own One Peice.

**A/N- Chapter 1 had the little quote/ song lyrics at the beginning and I fixed this chapter to match (as well as going over and reworking both Ch 1 & 2). I figured that I should probably tell you guys the songs so **

**Chapter 1: **Shiver by Coldplay

**Chapter 2: **Memorial to Suffering by Painful Memories

Hopefully I'll get to work on the third chapter sometime soon. Online classes are killing me right now. Not just that but I seem to have come down with something worse then writers block. I have ideas but nothing I type makes any sense.


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